You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
