Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
