i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
