Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
