I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
