He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
