hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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