just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I stole a fireplace last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sext me about skeletons
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
