oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
