pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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