I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
