Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
