My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
