It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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