Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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