I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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