we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
