I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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