I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
