I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
