I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
