We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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