you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
