i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
