my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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