There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
