he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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