JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
