I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
