I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
