hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
