"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
