People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
