I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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