You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
