i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
