Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
