found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have aggressive nipples.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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