I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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