I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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