Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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