need another drink. this is the easiest way
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
