If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
PANTIES FOUND
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