My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
