Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
