well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
