she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
