I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
