I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
