having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
