You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
