I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
