it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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