I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
