i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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